Do you get high off shopping? Do you find, when you’re shopping, that something completely takes over your body? Do you buy and buy and then completely panic when the credit card bill comes in? Maybe you don’t consider yourself a chronic shopper, but you do get a great feeling when you spend money. Well, as this article states, you are not alone. A study was done to find out what’s happening in our brains when we shop. It’s quite amazing what they found out. Take a look. 

Last night I was watching Suze Orman. She is the financial wizard that you have seen on the Today show. Well, she has her own show where she answers questions from incoming callers. They ask her questions about their finances and how to get out of debt. However, after watching her show it seemed like she was more of a psychologist.

One caller had an issue with their niece who constantly asked them for money. They were tired of always saying yes, feeling guilty, and never having money for themselves. Their niece was completely irresponsible with money and continued to ask for money whenever she was in a jam. Suze told the caller “Start saying no out of love, instead of yes out of fear.”

This phrase completely hit me. In so many ways we all have the same issues. We get so overwhelmed because we continue to say yes to everything that is asked of us. It’s almost like we never actually stop and think about what we are saying yes to. The word “yes” just automatically spits out of our mouths. If we didn’t we fear we would look incompetent, unappreciative and as woman we always fear being too bitchy… right?

Yes, it’s true, I have a difficult time saying no at times. It’s easy to give advice on this topic but when it comes time to take action it can be difficult. I do have to say, however, there is one trick that works for me and maybe it will work for you.

Here it is, are you ready?......I choose to say nothing.

I actually learned it Alcoholics Anonymous/ALONON. You are taught that you have choices. And one of those choices can be to do nothing. That’s right, doing nothing is a choice. It doesn’t mean you’re a slacker or avoiding something. You can simply choose to say or do nothing. Isn’t that awesome??? So if someone asks me to do something and I get that weird feeling in my gut. I simply say, “I am not able to give you a yes or no answer right now, can I get back to you?” Then I sit on it for a while. Genius isn’t it?

It’s possible you have never considered your communication skills and how they are impacting your ability to stay organized. Well I am here to tell you it means everything.

Recently I had a session with a client who was fed up. She was having a difficult time staying organized and she couldn’t figure out why. I have been working with her for close to 4 months so I have learned a lot about her and her setbacks. I had no doubts that her communication skills at work were causing her home to be disorganized.

Allow me to explain… She admitted she had a difficult time delegating tasks to other subordinates. She took on projects that she was not responsible for and she took all her work home because she was always putting out fires at work. The paper work she brought home would pile up so much that it began to spill into all areas of her home. The master bedroom, the dining room, the guest room and so on. She even admitted that she barely touches the files she brings home because she is just so tired after work.

Here lies the problem. The clutter is almost always a symptom of something bigger and more serious. Therefore as a Professional Organizer it is my job to identify the core problem. It can be tricky. Sometimes we think we know, but then our clients throw us for a loop and we have to start from square one. Sometimes the core problem is so big we can’t begin to know what our clients may be going through. But almost always communication skills are a huge factor when clutter is concerned. And the longer I am in this business the quicker I can pick up on it.

When I do see this as a factor for my clients I immediately recommend a therapist or business coach. Learning to say no, delegate, make decisions, communicate your needs, etc. is crucial. Not only to be effective at work but to keep your home neat and clean and your life sane.

So what I am saying is… believe it or not, the road to an organized home is not always purge, sort, recycle, donate, trash.

Have you seen the Dr. Phil episode about the extreme hoarder? I know, I know… I talk about this topic all the time. But it’s all over TV and there is so much to say about it. Especially this episode of Dr. Phil.

Ok, so let me set the stage… the extreme hoarder was a mother of three, divorced or widowed (I can’t recall), with a live-in boyfriend. She owned one home and one condo. Both of them were FULL of stuff. She had an alcohol problem, in the past she had a drug problem. She lost her job as a nurse because she was writing herself prescriptions for drugs. She had an eating disorder and she would hoard food. She had 7 refrigerators full of spoiled food and used coolers to store the food that wouldn’t fit in the refrigerators. Her live-in boyfriend was abusive and claimed he was a recovering alcoholic. The children had no bedrooms to sleep in because the home was stuffed. Two of them slept on the couch, in the living room together.

So you can imagine, this is an extreme case. And not only is their hoarding in the home, there are tons of other issues as well. Addiction appears to be the core of the problem. Dr. Phil barely skimmed the surface of this family’s issues in a one hour show. I was disappointed to say the least. Not that Dr. Phil didn’t solve their problems, of course. But because this family’s problems were just too serious and too big to obtain any sort of understanding or deeper knowledge of the situation.

There was no educational component to this episode.  It was simply a bird’s eye view of what is happening in this particular family’s household. Dr. Phil made no attempt to explain the mental illness and addiction that was very apparent. He didn’t even provide a hotline to call or resources for viewers if they are experiencing similar situations. So this is where my disappointment lies. It means nothing to merely ask a few questions and air a family’s dirty laundry on TV. In my opinion it’s simply degrading, disrespectful and childish. I will step off my soapbox now.

I am sure I have now sparked some sort of urge in all of you to see this episode. You can view it by going to http://drphil.com/shows/show/1080. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Recently I joined a small group of Professional Organizers to attend a screening of a documentary called “My Mother’s Garden.” It’s an amazing story about a woman with a hoarding disorder and how her family comes to terms with her mental illness.

On the road trip up to Maryland to see the film, we talked very little about the film. You see, as Professional Organizers we hear stories all the time about hoarders who can no longer sleep in their beds because the bed is covered with stuff. We hear stories about finding dead animals under piles of clothing and rotten food in refrigerators. We expected the film to give us a full view of the life of a hoarder. Not just some quick snippets of their story and some instant before and after photos. We went to see this film because deep down, I think, we wanted something more than Oprah and Clean Sweep. Ohhh and we got more!

Not only did this film give us a full view of the life of a hoarder, it gave us a full view of the hoarders family and their struggles with the disorder. On the ride back to Richmond we were dumbfounded by the extent of the pain, frustration, anger, resentment, sadness and instability that was brought on this family due to a hoarding disorder. Coming from a family of alcoholics I can very easily relate to the issues this family was having. Then to pick up a camera and document it all, amazed me. How strong this family must be to air their dirty laundry. How selfless they were to let us in on their misery. All so they can teach us what really goes on in the mind of a hoarder and how the mental illness effects the entire family.

After seeing the film the group of us were so motivated and enlightened. I think we were charged by the fact that we know we have a responsibility here. As Professional Organizers we are the ones who should be creating awareness of this disorder in our community. We need to collaborate with medical professionals and city ordinances to create a task force to educate our community. We know this is a HUGE undertaking. We see the amount of work this would take and the number of people we would need to make such an accomplishment occur. But after seeing this film, we just aren’t able to help ourselves. It’s just so fascinating!

I have blogged about this topic before. I have preached about the importance and severity of this issue. But this movie explains it all. I couldn’t ever put it into such context. Go to http://www.mymothersgardenmovie.com and find out where this movie is showing or buy the DVD. See it as soon as you can. Just about everyone I know has a family member suffering from this mental illness. Learn how this family was able to establish “some” peace. Notice I didn’t say “complete” peace. You’ll see how this disorder is way to massive for one family to handle. Not to mention, the disorder is still so new to us. We have a lot to learn and a documentary like this is a very good starting point.

They hire a Professional Organizer! That’s right, I hired a Professional to help me with my mess of a basement. Cathy Lehew of Space Matters was kind enough to assist me.

I set up the appointment about three weeks in advance. I didn’t think much about it until the day before. I was having such a crazy week with work… I was dying to cancel. I had so many other things that were more important to do. I was so frustrated that I had to take time out of my day to organize my basement!!!!! The day of my session Cathy came to my door, and she could tell, I was not happy.

I moved into my home in September and everything in the basement had not been touched since the day we moved. It was full of tools, equipment, gardening supplies, paint cans, left over bathroom and kitchen tiles, the dreaded tennis stringer (that has not been used in close to two years), and then some. As Cathy and I walked downstairs I was giving her the rundown. It was so amusing to be explaining my mess. I mean, I am the one usually doing the listening. I caught myself saying things like, “I have no idea what’s in that bin” or “why is this down here?” or “how did we acquire 7 levels?!!!!!” Cathy and I shared many laughs.

Immediately Cathy started explaining the zones that we would break the basement into. She was full of ideas I never thought of. Since it was my basement and my stuff, I had lost the ability to see it any other way. I loved that she was making the decisions and taking charge. Which was a HUGE surprise. My biggest worry having her help me was that I would try to control things. Believe it or not, I can be quite bossy. But ironically, I didn’t want to be bogged down with decisions. I just wanted to get the basement organized. Cathy told me what to do and I did it. When I was done, I asked her to give me another task. It was much less overwhelming.

As we worked together I also realized I didn’t feel any guilt. If I had asked a friend to help me organize my creepy, grimy, bug infested basement, I would have been concerned about them and how they were doing. Because I was paying Cathy and knew she was a professional, I could let her do her thing and I could move forward with my tasks.

After about three hours of work, I was so ready to quit. I begged Cathy to leave my house!!!! She insisted we finish up the final hour. Sluggishly, I did menial tasks so I looked like I was working. And then finally, time was up!

We weren’t able to complete the project, but my basement has been completely transformed. I now have an area for bulk storage, garden tools, and my husband actually has a great area to work on projects and store his tools. It felt good to be productive and see the results.

Then our session was complete… thank God! Cathy left and I crashed.

On a daily basis I bet you say more than once “I’ll do that later.” It’s so easy to push something off to another day. But what’s wrong with now? I mean, I know there are times when it isn’t a good idea to start a big project. Maybe you have an appointment in less than an hour, or maybe you don’t feel well. Perhaps you need someone to help you. These are all legitimate reasons to save something for later. But think about how often you push something off to later because you simply don’t want to deal with it. In other words, you procrastinate.

I completely understand. I procrastinate all the time. I have even identified why I do. When something is difficult or out of my comfort zone, without fail, I’ll push it off. So it doesn’t surprise me when a client calls on me to help them get their butt in gear. They have identified that organizing is something that is out of their comfort zone. So they want help getting it done. And, as it turns out, when it comes to organizing, I am all about doing it NOW.

Ironically, their tends to be some slight hesitation when I suggest that we tackle a project NOW. My clients want to talk it out, tell me their stories, grab a glass of water, show me what they have accomplished since we last met and so on. But it’s inevitable, once we get started, with-in minutes, their running the show. Their totally into it and can’t be stopped. It’s awesome!

So, I ask again, what’s wrong with now? The answer is.... nothing. You just need a little push.

Recently, I have been toying with podcasting. It’s been quite fun actually. I am officially on ITunes which is wild. I see this as an opportunity to teach organizing principles, tips and resources. I also see it as a great way to educate everyone on what it is that I do as Professional Organizer. So my podcasts aren’t just for those who want to be more organized, but they are great for anyone who wants to become an Organizer. I’ll be doing interviews with industry experts and authors. I even have an interview lined up with Peter Walsh!!!! The author of “Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat” and Professional Organizer on Clean Sweep on TLC. How cool is that?!!

Oh and if you have the time rate my podcast. I need your input. I have also put together a podcast survey so I can really find out who’s listening and what you want. If you fill out the survey by June 1st, you’ll get a copy of my e-book “80 Clutter-Free Gift Ideas” for FREE!

So get to it!

So, I stumbled upon this article about the Swiss and their obsession with time. I had no idea how strict they were. I mean I had heard their trains always run exactly on time. But reading this article made me realize how complicated things can become if time becomes all we think about! Now don’t get me wrong, I think some things are important to be on time for. I am extremely sensitive to meeting times and being on time to business events. But I am not so sensitive when it comes to personal time with friends or family. I kind of see my personal time as an opportunity to NOT think about time. I guess because I am so conscience of time during work hours, I need a break on the weekend. Read on and see for yourself. 

The more I am in this business, the more I know I belong here. You see, I come from a long line of alcoholics. Lucky me, right? Well, I also have a few members of my family that are in recovery and have been for several years. So I learned at a young age about how alcoholism is a family disease. Initially this made no sense to me. Back then I thought that meant it was hereditary. But that’s not what it means. It means everyone in the family contributes to the problem in some way or another. It’s not just the alcoholic that needs help, it’s the entire family that needs help.

I realized recently how I have been enabling my alcoholic father for years. It’s tough to come to that conclusion. To think that little, old, innocent me has contributed to such an awful disease. But it’s true. I have laughed with my father about his problem just to make light of the situation. I have even gone to the liquor store and bought him Jack Daniels.

So what does this have to do with clutter? Well, a lot actually. I get calls frequently from family members who are trying to get help for their loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, making this call is a very kind and thoughtful thing to do. The call comes out of love, I know. But the person who calls neglects to consider how they may be contributing to the problem. I recently had a consultation with a client who told me she gets hand-me-downs from friends and family all the time. She said her friends are always bringing her things that they think she would like. Then they wonder why her home is so full of stuff. I understand this well since I am an enabler myself. But it’s wrong. If you live in a home that is full of clutter and you are convinced it’s your children’s fault, your significant others fault or the maids fault, think again. Yes, you… that’s right, YOU are a part of the problem.

I know, it’s hard to hear and you may think I am totally crazy. I understand that too. I was in denial for many years. But to put it simply, if 4 people are living under the same roof, how can it be the fault of only one person? And perhaps you are at the point where you have given up. You have tried in the past to keep order in your home but it became too much work to maintain because no one else helped around the house. Would you consider it appropriate if a friend of an alcoholic began drinking because they couldn’t get the alcoholic to stop drinking? It is a lot easier than addressing the real problem isn’t it.... because the problem is you.

This weekend I was finally able to pay attention to my home. I moved into my new home in September and I still hadn’t hung pictures or displayed any of my decor. For me, interior design is a very difficult process. I really have to think things through before I hang them or place them around my home. I am also always changing things around.

I realized after decorating my living room how much better I felt when I was done. I think this was for many reasons. 1. I was taking care of unfinished business. It was so nice to complete a project that had been sitting around glaring at me and reminding me I had work to do. 2. The more I surround myself with the things I love, the better I feel. 3. I was focusing on me and my home. It feels good to have no interruptions and the energy to take care of my own needs. Now here is another thought… and this may sound really “philosophical.” I think because the items were sitting stagnant and unused, they lost their life and were sucking the life out of me. Once I put these things to use, they began to have purpose. Having a purpose created meaning. Which ends up making me feel good. 

A client of mine might argue that they ARE surrounding themselves with things they love. They simply love a lot of things. However, a majority of the items are unused and have no purpose. They may argue that they have too many projects to complete and their is no way they will ever get them done. So I ask this… “Is it important to you to create a lot of projects for yourself so you feel you have a purpose?

Do you see where I am going with this?

I come from a long line of alcoholics. I know first hand how the disease of alcohol can ruin a family. I have watched for years how an alcoholic always has a reason for their behavior. They drink because their childhood was terrible. They drink because their boss sucks. They drink because their marriage sucks. An alcoholic, at least the alcoholics I know, will never admit THEY are the problem. That they choose to pick up the glass full of beer and drink it. That they continue to hurt others and abuse substances because they are too afraid to admit they are powerless. For them it has nothing to do with what’s in their glass. It has everything to do with escaping reality.

The same holds true for an out of control pack rat. For them, their clutter piles up because their was a great sale at the mall. They have no time to clean because they have so many pressures. Their significant other is to blame because they always leave things lying around the house. Just like an alcoholic, they too have a difficult time admitting THEY are the problem. instead of looking at themselves, they look at the clutter as the problem. The clutter, just like a drink to an alcoholic, is used as a distraction.

This is, what I consider, dangerous ground. This is where we begin to live in an unrealistic world. We pretend the problem is not their and continuously put it aside because it’s easier than admitting we are the problem. It’s easier to pretend our lives are great and be miserable than it is to live truthfully and be content. It’s easier to toss more paper on top of the piles of paper on the floor. It’s easier to close the door to the guest room and pretend the clutter isn’t there. It’s easier to stuff items in closets before company comes. But don’t dare leave the clutter out for guests to see.

Is any of this sinking in yet?

The other day I went shopping. I needed new makeup because I was totally out… I was really desperate. Anyway, while I was getting gussied up by the sales associate we were having small talk. She asked me what I did for work. I told her that I am a Professional Organizer. She said “No way, I could totally be an Organizer! I have to make sure everything is just right, I am a neat freak!”

It isn’t uncommon for people to say this to me when I tell them what I do. But I feel the need to tell everyone there is so much more to what we do! We don’t just come in and pick up after you. The best way for me to put it is, we are just like a personal trainer. The personal trainer doesn’t do the work for you. They ask questions about your weight, your past, your habits. They put you on a plan and guide you through it. They listen to you as you struggle and offer their expertise. They don’t judge you ever! They act as a supportive hand and give you the push you need to maintain your goal. They may even get really personal with you and dig deep and find out what’s really causing the weight gain.

As a Professional Organizer, we do the exact same thing with your clutter. Although sometimes your weight and clutter are somewhat connected. (No I am not kidding, read “Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?") So if you are sitting around staring at your clutter thinking to yourself, “I will never get through this alone,” don’t! If you were having issues losing weight and knew you couldn’t tackle that alone, you would call a personal trainer right?  Organizers aren’t always control freaks and whack jobs that make you get rid of everything that means something to you. That’s all I’m sayin.

While eating dinner tonight I was reading yet another article about obtaining work/life balance. I don’t know about you, but I am kinda over it. The tips and suggestions are always the same. Develop a plan, sort, purge prioritize, maintain. Does this advice help anyone? Does everyone believe there is one answer for keeping your work/life balanced? I am not going to lie, in the past I have been known to write articles like this. But now, I am surprised to see this information is still getting thrown at us.

I am going to be honest, I am not totally sure what it might take for everyone reading this to maintain work/life balance. All I can tell you is what I do to keep things in check… I am very realistic about my time, energy and abilities. I guess I am somewhat lucky. At an early age I identified that i would get really cranky, anxious, stressed and/or depressed if my environment wasn’t orderly, if I had too much on my plate or I was getting involved in something way over my head. Avoiding those feelings is a high priority for me. Therefore I keep things simple… VERY SIMPLE. My friends and family will tell you my home is pretty bare. I keep it that way for a reason. I have just enough furniture that I can dust one room in less than 5 minutes. I have just enough clothing so I can do laundry in no more than three loads. I have only a few cosmetics so I can get ready in the morning quickly. These little things make a HUGE difference in my day to day life.

For some, these things may not make a difference. I think it’s important to identify what will reduce the chances that you will get cranky, anxious, stressed or depressed. I have even removed the people in my life that make me feel crappy. That has worked wonders on simplifying my life. 

Lately I have been getting a lot of calls from individuals who want to become Professional Organizers. I personally love talking about what I do. This job is the most rewarding/creative job I have ever had. Organizing wannabes that I haven’t spoken to, allow me to give you a few tips. If you want to pursue a career in this field you will need a few skills. 1. You will need to be patient. Patience is about 90% of our job. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Well, it isn’t. Being patient for a period of time may be easy for everyone. But try doing it for a living… It takes a certain personality to be able to be patient on a consistent basis. 2. You need to be a good listener. I can’t tell you how often I have to read in between the lines to fully understand the positions my clients are in. 3. You need to be non-judgmental.  Our clients are looking for support. The instant they feel judged, a wall will go up and your services can become worthless. 4. You need to be flexible. Our way is not always the best way. I am constantly developing systems for clients that would NEVER make sense to me in my own world. But for them, it works. I have learned that it’s not about me.... ever. 5. You have to be knowledgeable about mental health. learning disabilities, behavioral problems etc. It’s no surprise thousands in the industry were once social workers or therapists. Fortunately for me I just had a crazy family that taught me a lot about addiction, mental illness, and learning disabilities. Half of my training was from the school of hard knocks! 6. You have to be able to set clear boundaries and follow them constantly. Our own health, ethics and morals need to be clear, firm and a first priority at all times. We need to be able to say NO, be assertive and listen to our gut.

Well that is the short of it. I commend anyone going into this industry. It’s a beautiful way to live!