I find excuses very common when I meet with a client for the first time. They immediately worry that I may judge them and they want to justify their behavior. What these individuals don’t understand is I am the last person who will judge them. I know far more than they want me to know before I even walk through the door. I make every attempt to clarify that there is no room for blame and no reason to be defensive. The fact is, it is what it is.

All too often excuses are made that inflict blame on others in the home. Without fail it seems important for my clients to tell me how others have contributed to the clutter in their home. Rarely do they accept their role in it. They also tend to avoid their true problems because the excuses make it easier to mask them. Now, don’t get me wrong, this behavior is completely understandable. The embarrassment and shame that go along with a cluttered home are huge contributors to this behavior. I have been known to make these excuses myself. We have all done it at one time or another.

In order to help my clients move forward and break their bad habits I have created a new set of rules to use while working with them. I feel it will help a lot of you not only with a cluttered home but in all areas of your life. These rules were developed as a means to keep my clients focused on what is REAL and TRUE. They put a stop to the smoke and mirror routines we all play in our lives.

Rule #1
We do not talk about HOW the home got cluttered.

Not talking about how the home got in the condition it is in allows us to work with what we have and what is REAL. It forces us to see things as they are and to stop making attempts to blame others and to justify the bad behavior.

Rule #2
We only work on finding solutions to our problems.

Staying focused on solutions gives us the opportunity to think positively. It gives us permission to move forward and makes change easier to bare. Seeing the solution we can envision what is missing and fill the void.

Rule #3
We only look at how we can change our own behavior.

If our homes are full of clutter, we have played some sort of a role in making it that way. There are no if, ands or buts about it. Therefore, we need to identify our own unhealthy behavior and identify how we can do better. We will only spin our wheels trying to get others to see the error of their ways. So instead set an example for others and create a chain reaction. Everyone stops the defensive behavior and works productively to develop solutions.