Last night I was watching Suze Orman. She is the financial wizard that you have seen on the Today show. Well, she has her own show where she answers questions from incoming callers. They ask her questions about their finances and how to get out of debt. However, after watching her show it seemed like she was more of a psychologist.

One caller had an issue with their niece who constantly asked them for money. They were tired of always saying yes, feeling guilty, and never having money for themselves. Their niece was completely irresponsible with money and continued to ask for money whenever she was in a jam. Suze told the caller “Start saying no out of love, instead of yes out of fear.”

This phrase completely hit me. In so many ways we all have the same issues. We get so overwhelmed because we continue to say yes to everything that is asked of us. It’s almost like we never actually stop and think about what we are saying yes to. The word “yes” just automatically spits out of our mouths. If we didn’t we fear we would look incompetent, unappreciative and as woman we always fear being too bitchy… right?

Yes, it’s true, I have a difficult time saying no at times. It’s easy to give advice on this topic but when it comes time to take action it can be difficult. I do have to say, however, there is one trick that works for me and maybe it will work for you.

Here it is, are you ready?......I choose to say nothing.

I actually learned it Alcoholics Anonymous/ALONON. You are taught that you have choices. And one of those choices can be to do nothing. That’s right, doing nothing is a choice. It doesn’t mean you’re a slacker or avoiding something. You can simply choose to say or do nothing. Isn’t that awesome??? So if someone asks me to do something and I get that weird feeling in my gut. I simply say, “I am not able to give you a yes or no answer right now, can I get back to you?” Then I sit on it for a while. Genius isn’t it?

It’s possible you have never considered your communication skills and how they are impacting your ability to stay organized. Well I am here to tell you it means everything.

Recently I had a session with a client who was fed up. She was having a difficult time staying organized and she couldn’t figure out why. I have been working with her for close to 4 months so I have learned a lot about her and her setbacks. I had no doubts that her communication skills at work were causing her home to be disorganized.

Allow me to explain… She admitted she had a difficult time delegating tasks to other subordinates. She took on projects that she was not responsible for and she took all her work home because she was always putting out fires at work. The paper work she brought home would pile up so much that it began to spill into all areas of her home. The master bedroom, the dining room, the guest room and so on. She even admitted that she barely touches the files she brings home because she is just so tired after work.

Here lies the problem. The clutter is almost always a symptom of something bigger and more serious. Therefore as a Professional Organizer it is my job to identify the core problem. It can be tricky. Sometimes we think we know, but then our clients throw us for a loop and we have to start from square one. Sometimes the core problem is so big we can’t begin to know what our clients may be going through. But almost always communication skills are a huge factor when clutter is concerned. And the longer I am in this business the quicker I can pick up on it.

When I do see this as a factor for my clients I immediately recommend a therapist or business coach. Learning to say no, delegate, make decisions, communicate your needs, etc. is crucial. Not only to be effective at work but to keep your home neat and clean and your life sane.

So what I am saying is… believe it or not, the road to an organized home is not always purge, sort, recycle, donate, trash.

Have you seen the Dr. Phil episode about the extreme hoarder? I know, I know… I talk about this topic all the time. But it’s all over TV and there is so much to say about it. Especially this episode of Dr. Phil.

Ok, so let me set the stage… the extreme hoarder was a mother of three, divorced or widowed (I can’t recall), with a live-in boyfriend. She owned one home and one condo. Both of them were FULL of stuff. She had an alcohol problem, in the past she had a drug problem. She lost her job as a nurse because she was writing herself prescriptions for drugs. She had an eating disorder and she would hoard food. She had 7 refrigerators full of spoiled food and used coolers to store the food that wouldn’t fit in the refrigerators. Her live-in boyfriend was abusive and claimed he was a recovering alcoholic. The children had no bedrooms to sleep in because the home was stuffed. Two of them slept on the couch, in the living room together.

So you can imagine, this is an extreme case. And not only is their hoarding in the home, there are tons of other issues as well. Addiction appears to be the core of the problem. Dr. Phil barely skimmed the surface of this family’s issues in a one hour show. I was disappointed to say the least. Not that Dr. Phil didn’t solve their problems, of course. But because this family’s problems were just too serious and too big to obtain any sort of understanding or deeper knowledge of the situation.

There was no educational component to this episode.  It was simply a bird’s eye view of what is happening in this particular family’s household. Dr. Phil made no attempt to explain the mental illness and addiction that was very apparent. He didn’t even provide a hotline to call or resources for viewers if they are experiencing similar situations. So this is where my disappointment lies. It means nothing to merely ask a few questions and air a family’s dirty laundry on TV. In my opinion it’s simply degrading, disrespectful and childish. I will step off my soapbox now.

I am sure I have now sparked some sort of urge in all of you to see this episode. You can view it by going to http://drphil.com/shows/show/1080. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.